CR@ZY N LOV3

I have changed a lot since graduation. Well, most of the change has happened just in 2009. So for all of you who has good fortune in 09, congrats….Where as I haven’t been so lucky. I am going to tell you what has happened to me in these 3 short months…. Some of you will think I have serious issues, some will just read this and move on, some of you have already stopped reading…. That’s fine. I’m not trying to change anyone’s life here. I just want people to know that they may have friends hiding stuff and their friend may need some help…. and if they don’t get it, they may just go off the deep end. Okay….. Well basically my life, since graduation, consisted of me hanging out with friends, drinking, smoking…. just doing what teenagers do…. Well in January I got so drunk I couldn’t see straight…. Bad idea on my part…. I was…. well raped…. By someone I knew and had hungout with every once in awhile… After that I stopped drinking. No I didn’t report it, no I didn’t tell anyone about, no i don’t see him anymore. I didn’t report it because I didn’t think it was rape because I was so wasted, It’s fine…. I will forget about it eventually… and if I don’t then I will just have to live with it. After that I just stopped talking to all my friends except a few…. I was still close with basically one person… April…. That’s it… Other than her my friends were just people i texted every once in awhile… Besides Tiffany… Me, Tiffany, Josh, and Christ were basically inseperable for a lil while… That’s because me and josh were practically together… At least when it came to bed we were…. Well we all hungout like all do…everyday… Then we went up to Tampa so I could get a tattoo with my sister…Now I didn’t know what Josh did in his spare time… I mean I have only known him for a year and he was a lot different from a year ago… Well when we were in Tampa I found out what Josh loved to do…. Coke…. Now if you really know me then you know I have an addictive personality… Which means I’m the type of person who tries something and doesn’t want to let go of it…. Now Josh told me if I tried it he would like me so much more because it would prove to him that I was real about being with him…. So I tired it…. Now everyone knows what coke does to you… Makes you stay awake, you get a high off of it, and you don’t eat….. Now after always being fat you entire life the not eating part of that makes you think…. Well I can do this shit and I won’t eat so I can lose weight and I won’t have to diet…. Easy as fucking cake…. So I started doing coke…. I loved it…. I went from being 195 pounds to 157…. From wearing size 15/16 pants to wearing a size 9….. Yeah I’m not going to lie, coke was running my life… and that’s not the only thing… I was snorting pills like no other…. I loved my life…. I couldn’t ask for anything better…. Well… I could, that would be a guy to love me and not judge me for the shit I do…. Well me & April were always together and always doing shit…. Which didn’t bother me because it is what it is… Who gives a fuck about anything else… Well we met this guy Peter…. I have known him since I was like 9 becuase he was friends with my sister…. He was into some of the same shit we were into… So we decided to chill with him…. I was still doing what I did, same with April, and the same with Peter… Now about 2 days after we started chillin with peter he asked me to be his chick… I said yes but only if he stopped doing drugs… Well who the fuck was i to ask him to stop if I wasn’t going to stop!?! So I did stop…he got a ring and put it on my finger…. so I told him that gave him a free day to get fucked up and shit… so he did… but I didn’t get fucked up… and watching other people be fucked up when i was sober really showed me how i act and it made me realize how retarded i was… That it was stupid nad pointless to fuck up my life for a few hours of a good buzz… The point of this is to let the few people who know about my drug problem realize where it all started. To also let the people I stopped talking to know what is going on. Also, to let myself know I am doing the right thing. No I am not going to stop being with Peter. He is getting off drugs and we are getting married. No I will not stop being friends with April. Drugs are not apart of any of our lives anymore. I am getting extra help with this all though so I don’t relapse. I am going to NA and CA meetings. It’s going to be tough but it is going to be worth it. Yeah that’s a lot of confusing shit to take in, especially since I am really bad at writing stuff, but I just wanted everyone to know the truth.